I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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