New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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