I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
