Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
