i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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