the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
