I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.