Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.