I can text with my tongue
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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