if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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