I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
