when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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