i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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