I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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