I'm going to jail i love you
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you made out with another girl for some wings
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
