Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
