...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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