Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
