What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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