wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
