I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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