This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
