don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
