It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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