I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
