OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
