i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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