Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
