You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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