How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
