I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
