Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
