I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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