Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
