Already got asked if we're dating
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
