covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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