he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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