you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
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I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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