Christians are straight up FREAKS
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
