Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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