it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i need to put some appletini on your dick
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
