if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
