Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
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Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize