You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
