True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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