so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
we should paint friendship bongs
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