quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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