he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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