I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
