Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
