He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
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