So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The uberlube is also flammable
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
