I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
