I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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