The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
