Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
