i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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