Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
