So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
