Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
