i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
