he thought i was a dude.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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