Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
