i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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