I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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