Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
