proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
